I would like to sit at the beach and see the world through the eyes of a man. What do they see when they look around?

I can tell it to you from my point of view. I mostly do not watch out for beautiful men, although I am a really heterosexual woman. My eyes do mostly observe the figures of the women lying at the beach. I look at all these skinny women and ask myself if I am as half as pretty as they are. They do have long legs and a perfect skin tanned by the sun in a warm brown tone. Some of them do have beautiful tattoos and others just stand out by their nice smile. Sometimes the smiling ones are even more pretty than the ones with the perfect shape of their bodies.

Why is it that important to have a beautiful body? Everyone wants to have this perfect silhouette. But for what? Who said this is the beauty ideal?

Look at all the people doing their workouts and torment themselves only to walk the long the beach and feeling fine by feeling the stares of the others! What a poor world we live in. What a poor girl I am to think exactly the same way.

I used to be unpretty as a teenager and guess what: it was absolutely irrelevant to me. The guys I met just wanted to be with me because of my character and my good heart. I felt perfect by not being perfect at all.

Now I am on my way to become the same stupid person I never wanted to be. I feel bad by enjoying my holidays without having made any workout yet. I am lying on the beach being jealous of other bodie’s shape. I am frightened about me.

There is a girl I know and she eats more than normal by being much more skinny than normal. She ordered three dishes. She ate everything till the last grain of rice was eaten up. Afterwards she drunk some milkshake and she ate a little bit like a child who did not get anything to eat for three days. The last sip wasn’t really done when she jumped up and searched a toilet panic-stricken.

Although she is not aware of it, I know exactly what she is doing there. It’s the same procedure as it always is. I am not blind but she keeps telling herself.

Why do so many girls have an eating disorder or bulimia? What happened to us that nearly 25 percent of the woman in Germany do have troubles like this?

Our society is transforming into a nasty little freak.

I know what I am talking about. Some years ago I was so sad I could not eat. I tried but I did not have hunger at all. And the times I had appetite, I did not eat anything. This was my way to express my sadness. I wanted the others to notice me. But society is an asshole. All they were saying was that my body would look good and I would be pretty skinny. What a letdown!

I did not look healthy at all and I did not feel healthy anymore!!! I am round about 167 cm tall and to that time I had about 45 kilos. That’s more than ten kilos less than I do have now.

And guess what’s freaky: if I could switch back to this weight, I would do it. Just for the words of a society I hate in effect.

Stupid is as stupid does!

I am still stupid but I hope to keep strength and I hope I won’t follow my friend to the toilet although I am jealous about her skinny long legs.