Lying in bed and not being able to sleep really is a bad thing. I never used to know this.
I can’t sleep because my thoughts won’t let me. Isn’t there a handle to switch off the own head? Would be a nice invention to get rich with. But please don’t rob my idea.
I miss my best female friend. Or to say it like it is, I miss the picture I have always had of her. She was the one I did spent my time with when anyone of us wanted to do something. I really miss it to laugh out loud with her and to hear her funny voice on the phone.
I miss my best platonic friend. The one who called me during a meeting at work just to let me hear a good song on the radio. The one with the horrible guitar chords.
I miss my little cat which calmed me down by purring away all my bad thoughts and who made a hairy friend to my other cat Lucy.
I miss my Lucy when I’m not at home and her loneliness gnaws at my conscience. Poor little thing so alone all time.
I miss my love who seems to be more far away than ever and I don’t really mean this physically. I miss him more than I can say. Although he unites everything I ever wanted, I have to be without him the whole week and this really is a severe test I don’t want to fail.
But most of all I do miss myself. The carefree and untroubled one who was not afraid of the future. The unsophisticated and naive one. It was such an easy life not to worry and not to think this much. I miss her and I want to get her back. Look at this light-heartedly smile I haven’t seen for so long.
She never lied to herself and she never dissembled to be anything she wasn’t, she didn’t try to fit in where she doesn’t fit in. She never cared if the other part still loves her by not doing or being what was required. She knew that the other part still would, and if not, that it would not be a loss.
I miss her hunger on life and her curiosity for other people.
Where are you Bini? I miss you and hope to have you back one day, because life was so much better with you by my side giving me the strength I need so urgently.