How do I know if I’m a psycho? Sometimes I sit there and then I see things. I do not mean the kind of things that everyone sees with the naked eye, but things that you just can not see. You feel it. You feel it, or you just know it.
But how do I know that, and why is it like it is? Do I always want to see anything my head tells me? Why does my head tell me so much at all? There we are again at the question: Who am I? And what makes me who I am? And am I always the same, or do I change and become someone else? Mom says I’m bending. Mom knows me well. I think she is right. She always is. But I want to bend. I did not like a lot of “things”, so, if I change that now, will I bend then? Is it always bad to bend? With who the fuck is my head talking?
But if you now see things that may not even be there, am I a psycho then? Or am I just unfair because I think something bad? I know my eyes don’t kid me, but I do not want it that way, so I lie and believe myself. It’s easy to believe yourself, because we all eat lies when our hearts are hungry. Oh and damn, mine is… Maybe that’s not bad. This dinner prevents two things from succeeding:
  1. thinking something bad, even though it’s not right,
  2. and thinking something bad, even if it’s true.

Maybe it’s just successful self-protection and my brain is smarter than I thought…. or maybe I’m just a psycho.

I like to be a psycho. He has never let me down and was always there. And is it really bad to be a psycho? If I am enough for myself, then it is for others too. Has to be. Mom means you do not always have to be the happy and the funny one. People are not always, even if our fellow human beings want that. Nobody likes to surround themselves with depressives. But it’s part of life. You would never be happy if you were not sad before. It’s like the thing with the rain and the sun you know… You would not even know how it is to be happy, because you would not know the difference.
Perhaps I am living a fairy-tale, because I am the entirely bonker. But you know what? All the best people are….
Ok, so I see something. I still see it and when you face its counterpart, there are three possibilities. There are always at least two.
  1. Either nothing happens, you’re not satisfied with that.
  2. Or something happens and the realization starts. You were right. Your counterpart knows to loose by playing sinking ships by being hit so directly. And so there’s the need to save itself with measures to calm the waves. It won’t last for longtime. You don’t get wise from one day to another…
  3. Or you didn’t hit the boat at all – you were not right at all! There’s no need to, but it’s a nice little gesture to avoid more water coming in, although you know your boat not to sink.
Anyway I have to know. I already do.

I think people underestimate me. They mostly do that because my cute looks just give it away.

Some people like their bodies. Some like their beautiful long legs, or their distinctive facial features paired with beautiful white teeth. And some like themselves more than they like anything else. Excessive self-esteem usually compensates for something. At least I think so. People do not let themselves be seen behind the facade, but the ones that are the hottest are always those who do not allow you to know more about them. They are weaker than you would think. Where the wall comes from, I do not know, I tick differently. I like to let people look behind the facade, because that’s honest. But also here: You don’t know me – You only know what I allow you to know.
I am different. And I am satisfied with it. I do not like many things about me, that’s normal. Default. But I love my psycho. I love my good nature and I love that I can do something without expecting anything in return. Actually. But nowadays, it already seems like a return, if this good nature is not exploited. Actually, that should be self-evident, but nowadays everyone takes what he can get and everything else does not matter. White lies included.
I have seen a lot of things. And they have always been true. But I am a dreamer and I still believe that also for me, there it is to persuades me better, that there are still people who are worth giving your heart to. People who know your value without having fear of missing anything else while being with you. Honest people.


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