I go nuts!
Today I was jogging for lunch instead of going to the canteen. What has felt great in the past, is now only the feeling of being trapped in a hamster wheel. So I prefer to go out.
It is raining, it is cold and wet, and nobody really feels like going outside for this weather. I do it anyway, because I need it today.
Does anyone know the feeling of a veil around you? The kind of which is making you sad, who can not let go of the thoughts and suddenly determines everything. This veil makes me crazy thoughts and I do not want that at all.
So I put on my new jacket, rainproof. Already when I’m done moving, I feel better.
I’m running. I run away. As fast and as far as I can. The music is ringing in my ears and the crackling of my jacket’s hood makes a crazy noise. It’s so gorgeous outside in the fall. Everywhere are colorful leaves and the world looks as if it would leave me a greeting there.
It’s great to leave the gray office behind and I’m finally alone. Alone with me and my thoughts that do not let me sleep at night.
The sky is cloudy and lets in the sun in a few places. She beams at me and I shine back. I turn my face to the sun and the shadows fall behind me.
The veil wobbles and I feel very easily how it dissolves. I do not run fast but just enough to escape my thoughts.
It’s like running through a tunnel and there’s light in the front. I can see it and I want to reach it, so I run. My hands are willing to touch it, but it disappears.
Faster, further, past the big oak trees, along the path and through between the geese.
A raven ties my attention and I stop to look at him. Smart, interesting creature, tell me what you think! Do you know more than me? Do you have a name or is it not important in your world?
Continue… on and on… That’s how time flies. Time. What is already time? The seconds blur and the minutes feel like seconds. I can not feel my legs. It’s not them that run, it’s my head, my thoughts.
Time – unfortunately it is not enough left to reach the light.
It is not enough to not feel anything anymore and so I go back to my hamster wheel where all the yes-sayers and ass-creepers do not realize what’s really important in the world.