Did you read my Throwback 15th April 2016? It was the entry into my diary to a time, I was sad, desperate and absolutely unhappy. There’s no use to repeat what I thought, because it is written in the diary. And I am not able to describe it any better than at the time I thought writing about it into my diary.
I exactly know myself sitting at home and crying almost every night. It was a feeling of being incomplete. It was the feeling of having lost everything what matters. And the most alarming thing was the feeling of never ever being able to be complete again.
I just wanted to be okay. I just want to be okay today. I wanted to feel today as I felt it once. I wanted to feel anything but pain.
If you opened me up than you would have seen, I was a gallery of broken hearts. I was beyond repair, so let me be – and give me back my broken parts.
I just wanted to know that day, know that maybe I would be okay. Just give me back my pieces, just give them back to me please and let me hold my broken parts.
This is out of a song I listened incessantly. Every day I asked myself these questions.
And then there he was. He came into my life so unexpected, so real. I never looked for him. I was only bored and was curious about what could happen.
But then there he was. This perfect mind connecting with mine and showing me that life is more than just worries. This man who seems to have no fear at all. This perfect piece fitting into my puzzle of life. He repaires my broken pieces and puts them all together without any effort. I just have to be myself and he gives me back the hope that life is such a good thing!
I once showed him a picture – I am sure he can’t remember this. He said it would be beautiful. I replied that the beauty of this picture lies in the lightheartedness of the person who is on it. But that the person lost this in complete. It was an old picture of past times. And then he said something like a joke:
Perhaps I can do something for you to bring you back your lightheartedness.
He never broke his promise – bit by bit, it is coming back. I feel myself coming back.