And sometimes I wish I could grab you by your shoulders and shake your whole body. Until I can not do it anymore, running out of strength. I am standing in front of you. You are taller than me, and so I feel like a little girl. I would drum on your chest with my hands. Slowly first, then getting more and more in rage. I wish it would hurt a little bit, but I know you can stand it. It’s not to do you harm, it’s to get it all out. You know how it feels. You know it too! You understand me from deep inside. I’m not patient enough, I’m tired of waiting. I feel so lost.
Everything has to go. I keep tapping you on the chest until you hold my hands. You hold them tight until I can not move my hands anymore. I tilt my head down and resign myself. I am tired and cannot fight back. I do not want to fight back. Look at me finally! See me! Here I am! I want it to go.
I lean my head against your breast and taste your closeness.
And suddenly I am free. All of a sudden everything goes by, and I can express myself to 100 percent. By just standing there with you, I finally found myself.
Here I am, the real me. All doubts are gone, there is no uncertainty left. It feels like weightless, empty in a pleasant way. Nothing is there that distracts me, there is only us. You, whom I respect from the bottom of my heart. The one who frees me.
All the weight has fallen from my chest and I can breathe so deeply, that I can feel every atom in me and every atom around me. I did it – with your selfless help. You know the way, because you went it yourself. You know how it feels and you showed me my path. It’s all out of this deep connection which is not explainable to anyone. They won’t understand.
Tell me that you are just waiting for the right time to hold me. But make sure you won’t forget about me, cause I’m not patient anymore.