I have been sitting on this uncomfortable chair for quite a while and I realize how I am not present at all. The various mouths are moving, opening and closing, but there is not a single sound for me. They all sit there and they are all totally in the thing. Me, on the other hand, I am only physically present. I can not concentrate. I am really trying, but my thoughts are far from here. I hear the keys of the keyboard being pressed at rapid intervals. They form words and sentences on the projector screen in front of us. I can not read this. For me, these are just blurry signs far away.
I watch the man who leads the conversation and notice how he looks at me. Will he realize that I can not follow him? Whether I am well aware that I have not heard a single word?
My thoughts are far away in another world. I am immersed in this vastness and drifting more and more in that direction. I can almost feel these lips kissing me. So soft and tender that I hardly believe it to be real. I feel hands on my back, they dig under my shirt and hug me. I sink into this feeling of warmth and wellbeing. The lips move lower and kiss my neck. I can feel his breath on me, it is warm and reflects the life. I can not suppress a groan as I feel the gentle pressure of two hands on my chest. I want to lean back, but I’m pulled forward at the same moment. My cheek is on his and I can not help but hold on to this unique face.
What is this?! I forget myself just to be there again and feel so much stronger. Suddenly and right now I am the woman I want to be. Lustful, strong, attractive and yet so fragile that I’m afraid the moment would end.
He is so full of life. He is so beautiful. And for this moment, he is mine.
I want to keep this fragrance, I want to have those strong arms around me, squeeze that perfect upper body against me and absorb a bit of this life. My breath goes faster and I perceive every single cell of my body. It’s exactly as it should be. And yet I wonder if that can be. I can not find an answer to my question.
Did you hear what I said? I asked you some question.
It’s a voice just in front of me but it’s so dull and quiet.
And suddendly I’m back staring at my opposite. What does he want from me? I really don’t know.