You actually know.

You feel it.

You can feel it and still suppress it.

It’s there and yet so far away.

You are happy and deep down you know that you can only be disappointed.

You tell yourself that it is different this time and you tell yourself it is nice. But when you are honest with yourself, you know that you are lying to yourself. And very successfully.

You want to believe yourself because you want to believe that everything will be fine.

You want to believe yourself because you think you finally deserve it.

You want to believe yourself because you don’t think you’re such a bad person.

You know that it will never happen and yet the hope is so big that the knowledge is covered by a veil. The knowledge is there, just hidden. It’s like a secret guest sitting in the hallway waiting to be invited in. He just stands there and says nothing. He doesn’t ring either, but you can see him behind the peephole if you look closely. If you want to look.

There is this invisible guest and his presence is more present than any other object in the room.

The words that are not said are loud and clear. They are clear and unambiguous and yet you exclude them.

You stand in front of the door and just wait for the knowledge that has long since set in.

The realization is the painful thing about it.

Nobody likes pain so it is ignored.

That will work for a long time too.

It will go well for a long time.

But at some point your tooth will be pulled and you still wonder about the pain.

You have closed one eye for so long that it hurts when it opens both eyes to you.

Open your eyes and ask the guest in.

…before it’s too late.

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Personal Thoughts


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